Spiritual hunger. That's the only word that comes to mind right now. I'm spiritually hungry. I'm Catholic but don't go to Church anymore - except with my mom for my dad or brother's masses. I hate the repetitiveness, the doom, the seeming living in the past of lessons written by prophets long gone. The congregation made up of a few true believers and hypocrites who with head bowed either just beat up their wives or shot the neighbors kid. The women bathed in perfumes stealing glances at the men down the pew or the dying who suddenly feel called to beg God to take away the illness. I feel God or Spirit in nature or in kids' faces or in the homeless and some elderly. When I was a kid I remember feeling this true connection in Church. When I truly believed - but then I started looking around. No wonder my mom said never to look back in Church. Then I felt this true connection again last year when I started meditating. It was like turning inwards to sit in my own private Church. Just me and Spirit. But I lost it. I can't seem to meditate anymore. I'm hoping to find a guided meditation group nearby but I haven't had any luck and it's frustrating. I read about someplace in Frankfort, I think, that has a labrynth. Wonder what that is. Will need to research. I can't go back to Church just yet. I need to make the connection with God/Spirit inside first before I can visit the building where the formal ritual is held. Otherwise I'll just be another of the congregational hypocrites. But I'll continue to search...I know it's there-just beyond my grasp. But ARGGHHH - I swear I'm being taught patience~!
I have been to the labyrinth at St. Francis in Frankfort---I wonder if that is the one you heard about?? It was wonderful---just a very simple path laid out in the grass but walking it from outside to inside can be very insightful!!
ReplyDeleteElena, your blog is really speaking to me lately!! I have been to the Fine Arts bldg. only twice I think but I sure felt the "magic"!
ReplyDeleteAnd I too, am a full-time artist but only in my head!! I'm surprised I can drive a car with the way I am always LOOKING!! At the lights, shadows, colors etc.!! So many ideas and so much inspiration! And then I get home, walk in the door and all the "must do's" and "should do's" take over!! It's so frustrating!! I really understand why many artist's have studios away from their home! My fantasy would be to just create all day, everyday and let someone else worry about cooking, cleaning, paying bills. etc. I don't want much, do I?!?!??!
I got at the renaissance fair a silver coin thing. One side has a northwest raven design. The other side has a chartres labyrinth
ReplyDeleteIf you walk the labyrinth you can see the center, where you want to go, but as someone walks they move closer and away from that center. Not straight to it.
its also not important to run to the center, to grab for spirituality, it will be there. Sometimes the more its chased after the harder it becomes to catch.
Robin/Stevie thanks for the info on the labrynth. I found a website showing all those available in IL so I may take a little trip and see for myself. Stevie, how'd you know I'd be the first trying to run to the center. Kinda reminds me of how I'd read the last page in a book because I just HAD to know how it ended. Then I couldn't read it anymore because I already knew how it ended. Imagine all the good stuff I missed along the way...
ReplyDeleteElena - You know I feel like I'm in church every day that I'm at The Center. Some weeks that's all I need. My daughter had just visited the labrynth in Frankfort and had a totally amazing experience there. I was there once, a long time ago. Time for me to go back.
ReplyDeleteoh and love your misty pictures!
ReplyDeleteYes, I love those misty photos too.
ReplyDeleteElena, I go to mass every week and I don't go to socialize, I can fall deep into meditation which often starts with prayer before mass. I used to go twice a week as seven days often felt too long for me. I've followed books on Christian meditation and listened to Christian meditational readings. It's very easy to follow the wrong path. People often confuse personalities with the Church. Look past, there is so much warmth and acceptance and understanding waiting.
Hi Elena, Another honest post, I so love them. First those photos are dreamy foggy, the green cast is haunting. Did you take them? Wow!We need to do a photo jaunt someday!
ReplyDeleteI left the catholic church in 8th grade when family chaos struck.Kind of a paradox, running away from spiritual refuge. I wandered in nature, using that as my new refuge. And playing piano and art, became my healing solice, my church. Sometimes I long for church again but just to be in a beautiful building with sunlight shining through, and I'd be alone, people would not be important!Seeking my inner altar.
Labyrinths, yes, my hometown Frankfort has a beautiful one in the woods. Deer and other creatures wander around. Sometimes someone is walking in quiet retreat. Let me know, if you'd like me to take you for a laybrinth walk. I do feel transformed when I walk them. Another source of inner church for me. Love your questioning, feeling your growth!!!!!!