Thursday, September 17, 2009
Uh oh...
Ok I made myself sick. Now I'm trying to undo what I did before son and hubby come home. They'll scold me if they see me - Bullies! Anyway, as I've mentioned I've fallen into this bad habit of eating for no reason. Sweets. I've also stopped taking my blood pressure pills-a couple months ago. Anyway, the other day I ate something that made me dizzy and makes my head achey and feel 'stuffed'. If I try anything physical-yep even walking-my chest hurts. I feel like I just got off a carnival ride-all spinny and topsy turvy. Nothing takes it away. I wasn't sure what of all I ate-did it. So of course I thought it a good idea to do the same today. I ate Nutter Butter cookies and wham same feelings. Looks like I found the culprit. Bad bad cookies. Bad bad mouth for eating the cookies. Damn self-control....actually I often wonder if I'm not self-sabotaging...
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its probably the chemicals and crap in them. Fake sugars like the ones in diet soda and gum give me migraines.
ReplyDeleteas an example, I haven't had issues with major depression in a long time, but that doesn't mean I don't feel depressed and then make it worse on myself by thinking negatively. It happens. I realize what I'm doing to myself and then I work on it. and its really hard sometimes because usually it is just easier to keep going on the same negative thinking.
Its hard. end of story. AND its okay to not do well all the time. sometimes I still have pitty partys for myself and while I get a good cry in, it doesn't really do much else for me. Its easier to just lay on my bed curled up and not want to do anything ever again, but its not what I need to be doing. Its hard to be working on my portfolio and looking for jobs and going to my current job when I don't want to. Its hard for me to not eat ice cream and candy all the time. And even though I eat a lot of sugar anyhow I keep trying.
Oh yes, food is my preferred self sabotaging tool. And that starts the cycle. Next comes the drop in confidence and then its onto self loathing. Then I wallow for awhile before I get a grip and control my eating once more. I know all this and still I do it.
ReplyDeleteOoooohh!! I know Elena, belive me I know!! It is self sabotage alright!! Sometimes I eat too much of the bad stuff, then I feel sick, then I have an excuse for not doing things! It's crazy but I do it anyway!!!
ReplyDeleteMaybe stuffing those emotions by the sugary stuff going down. Yep, been there, done that. When I was a teen I'd wake up in the night and down it seemed a gallon of ice cream. Sugar nurtured me when I felt so alone. It was my friend.
ReplyDeleteBut, my friend, at least you are aware of what is going on. You are not numbing yourself out totally. Self-sabotage, I suppose. I'm reading The War of Art and I guess anything that prevents pursuing our dreams is self-sabotage/resistance!
How about making some papers and sharing them here? Just a thought.
Sending you healing energy across the miles!
Me too. Sometimes I know I must be full but the flavors are so tempting!
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