Walls

I wish I could respond to everyone's comments. They are always so insightful and meaningful - and I value them greatly. But sometimes a comment is short and cryptic and I don't know what it means. When I first read "walls so many walls" I didn't know what to make of it. Then I thought, hmmm, perhaps I am building walls again and I worried that my perceived steps forward were actually steps back. Perhaps my ego was being creative and found new ways to recreate the 'same ole same ole' way of thinking. Oh, that crazy ego.

But I looked inside and it didn't feel that way. And I remembered how good I was at building walls. They were impenetrable-I could put the old masters to shame. But when they started coming down, only a few were left among foundations sitting in the rubble. And in 2009, pathways started appearing in this new terrain. And sure, new walls begin forming to replace the old. But the foundations are rocky and the masters are dead. But I don't mind these new walls. They are rather porous and create pretty patterns where the light filters through. They are short enough that they provide good resting areas for me to take a breather and study the terrain. And when these newbie walls crumble and fall, new paths are formed in this constantly changing environment.

And I learned to embrace the mental wall concept instead of fearing it. Because they will only gain the stronghold they had if I let them. I am in charge. The impenetrable walls served their purpose when they were most needed. Times have changed. And although I no longer need them to create the fortress I once had, I don't want them to disappear altogether. The constant flux of walls forming and falling, foundations, rubble and pathways make for a pretty damned interesting and exciting environment. The constant challenge is what encourages self-growth and creativity. I suppose it would be pretty boring sitting in a flat valley of endlessness. Where I know what to expect and there is nothing to encourage growth.

It's like my son's video games. Where you suddenly open new levels and new challenges. It makes the game more exciting, albeit a bit frustrating.

It's like riding the motorcycle. Although the straight roads are safe and predictable, it's the other roads that provided the best experience, lessons and memories. The white-knuckled hairpin mountain turns have me gritting my teeth but at the end I can't ignore the intense satisfaction of having achieved it. The downpours or winds that make you pray for another chance to set your feet on solid ground make it that much sweeter when you put the kickstand down.

It's similar to the zone you experience during creating; where your spirit, ego & physical self blend together to form a perfect union. And you step back and enjoy the intense pride.

I welcome the walls with open arms. I know they'll provide new learning opportunities & won't get too high. I know things will always be in flux; constantly changing. It may be difficult at times & I may want to quit but I'm not alone in my new terrain. All I have to do is reach out my hand. Or be still long enough to listen to wisdom.

There are lots of places to rest; to recoup and weigh my options. To look at things differently and try to find the lesson. Instead of fighting it, to embrace it.

Because just like I love making my motorcycle dance around the curves; I'm rather enjoying the dance around my new terrain.

I'm not sure if that's what was meant
by the walls comment,

but thanks for the valuable lesson I almost overlooked.

It's good to have wisdom along the journey