End to Melodrama

The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. 

His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. 

His mind shrinks away if he hears only
the echoes of his own thoughts 

and finds no other inspiration.  

Pearl S. Buck

~ ~ ~ ~

It's so heavenly peaceful now. Even my ordinarily chatty brain is quiet. And at the close of my melodramatic weekend all I can think of is gratitude. It's over. Yay!

There were so many people and so much food. There was music and laughter and tears. And the great thing is I couldn't hear my own melodrama. My brother is right "if you keep busy you don't have time to make up bullshit in your head". But as I ran back and forth, I did make time to study things and be grateful.

I learned that I'm rather blunt. I told a guy that his wife was beautiful and hope he knows it. Realizing how strange that sounded I wondered about my comment later. It occurred to me that she has the type of face I would love to draw if I could draw faces. Or an aura I wish I could capture in a painting if I could see auras.

I learned that the mean looking neighbor is really cool. He told my hubby "I don't know what it is about her but I really like her". I told hubby it's because I stop and wave. Or maybe because when I invited him I told him if he didn't come I was going to invite him every year until he did. We had other neighbors join us and I had a chance to introduce them to hubby. They were so thankful saying they hadn't really met others even after living there for many years. Hubby says I'm attracted to the 'underdogs'; that I reach out and gather those that I feel are being ignored.

I learned to see, and appreciate, my home and art through other people's eyes. I was asked several times to help decorate or paint something for their home. I laughed at the latter as I pointed to the large, blank, plastic-wrapped canvas sitting in my studio. "See that? It's been there for 6 months. What makes you think I can paint something for money?" And followed everyone's comment with a "I don't decorate....I surround myself with stuff that makes me happy whether it fits or not."

I learned that I can recognize a lost look in someone's eyes and that they're not ready to follow their path. I learned that these same people turn to alcohol or illness to silence the all-too-familiar gnawing. That they haven't recognized that it can be silenced when they give free reign to their chose artistic paths. I hope to share with you some of those creations as I try to encourage these two to let go.

I learned the truth behind my discomfort leading up to these events. I believed my ego when it said "you should be ashamed of yourself; you are not working so your house should be spotless, you should be a good cook, you should be thinner, you should have a houseful of wonderful art, you should have a weed-free garden, you should, you should..." And today I tell it "I'm no Stepford Wife; I'm just me" And even though I'm too chunky, and there are dog nose prints on the windows, and I have more blank canvases than artwork, and grow the largest weed crop in town, I had fun.

~ ~ ~ ~

Whether we make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong.

The amount of work is the same. 

Carlos Castaneda