I don't know why I do it
I know I need to change it
I don't know how to stop it
I know I can't be as thin as I was
And I'm actually good with that now
But I've been getting all the warning signs
Pants a bit tight - 'shrinking in the wash' I say
Feet hurting - 'old shoes' I say
Legs cramping - 'tight socks' I say
So my angels have cranked it up a bit
"You need to listen!" they scold
My heart beats faster - 'oh just a coincidence' I say
Chest feels tight - 'oh must be a chest cold coming on' I say
One eye is blurry - 'must be dusty' I say
Everywhere I see & hear reminders of high blood pressure
And I ignore it
Because I'm not 'that bad'
So my angels got tired of me
And the doctor called me to say I'm overdue for a checkup
"When am I coming in" he says
What kind of doctor calls you at home anyway?
Crazy angels, I heard you, I was just hiding
Because yes I know I'm not doing well
And yes I know I regained those 15 lbs I'd lost last April
And yes I know I need to lose 30 lbs
And yes I know my blood pressure is high
And and and....
I don't know how to stop it
Seems that since I've managed to quiet my head from beating my creative side
It has waged full blown war on my health side
For every positive step I try to take, I get barraged with negativity
So I will make that appointment
And will take the meds I know he'll give me
And since everything else has failed
It's time to pray, beg, plead for whatever I need to help me keep focused
I'm got alot to live for now-and I know that
But I can't seem to stop
But I can stop hiding now
I guess that's one step in the right direction
So, hello my name is Elena and I'm an unhealthy eater and poor exerciser....
Dear Elena, I think we all have habit and ways of thinking and behaving that we know we should change but somehow can't or don't. I often find that when I want to change something, I just wait and sooner or later something comes along to really inspire me to make changes. Motivation is never enough for me, I must be inspired. I am sure you'll find something to inspire you as well.
ReplyDeleteWonderful photo with your post!! Love, Silke
Hi Elena!
ReplyDeleteMy name is Anne and I have put on at least 20 pounds since last year, and I bet I can out-eat you with JUNK any day of the week! I am glad we are in the same support group!
Seriously, you know all us out here are here for you; I have the *need to* list with going to the doc---which I have ignored---and went through FOUR pairs of jeans before I found some that I could spray myself with cooking spray and squeeze into......nuff said.
Get your health in order. And that will let your life be good for creativity. One feeds the other. You can do it.
I come from Southern Blood and you know we eat gravies or butter or fat with EVERYTHING.....so I am having to make adjustments too.
Like having pics taken from the neck up! LOL!!!
Please...do what your doc says, and we'll be your cheerleaders. Okay? :) (although the thought of me dressed like a cheerleader is pretty frightening and laughable....)
XXOO!!
Anne
I don't think the doctor called
ReplyDeleteI think God called
He does make house calls I hear
Good for you Elena...
Anything I have to say on the subject would be a repeat of what you said, except about myself. Perhaps I should call my doctor today. I love your photographs, especially the dog.
ReplyDeletewhen you come to visit...we will eat healthy and maybe if we have time, we can hike the hill behind the cottage.....that will wake you up and scream for mercy :)
ReplyDeletehealth is my number one thing.....especially dr's visits !...so get your little arse there now and take care of you.....got it !!!
and please tell me you've had a mammogram....puhlesssse tell me you have......
i think i sounded like a crazy lady in that first comment....and I'm not....I just want you to be around for a long time, you know !
ReplyDeleteThis post seems all too familiar....I have very similar issues although, for me, I believe my problem is peri-menopause. I'm trying to cut down on portion size. Good luck with your doctor's visit.
ReplyDeleteOh Elena,
ReplyDeleteI hope you heed your practitioner's advise. It must be pass due time to start some Tai Chi lessons. I do enjoy my workouts with David Carradine and Arnold Taiyam.(sp) And then... just so you know, there are wonderful transition foods to get you away from fatty meats and cheeses. Soy is a fantastic food but if you can't tolerate soy there are whole wheat proteins available, called seitan. Rice and almond milk are very tasty. Vegans can literally eat as much as they want.