And now I find myself staring at that stupid little box on government forms that asks "Occupation?" (a.k.a. how do you fit into our world).
"So how do I fill in the blank"? I ask the tax preparer: "Seeker, Rebel, Woman, Mid-lifer, Moocher, Wannabe, None-of-your-business?"
So the tax preparer suggests I not use the last one if I expect to receive my money.
"Homemaker" he says.
"What??! I don't make homes!"
"Housewife" he says.
"What??! What the hell is a house - wife. Marry your house?!" I say offended.
He glares and I grumble as I scribble in "homemaker". He laughs and says "it doesn't matter".
I feel the branding.
As I work through Artists Way, I find myself stirring up the 'sediment'. And like when I cleaned out the basement or closets, it was a chaotic mess. And the only way to get through that mess was to sort things into piles with little labels that said KEEP, TOSS, DONATE. And I suppose the little labels I'm looking for right now are serving the same purpose. I don't have a business card anymore. While I held that business card I was only one thing and everything came second to it. The best thing that happened to me was walking out of that life. It's when I woke up. I'm just lucky I woke up in my 40s.
Now I'm trying to find the real me. And if this temporary labeling helps sort the chaos, so be it. It's temporary. I know eventually I'll sort through the mess and 'clean house' enough that I can start building something beautiful. So my temp. labels of MOM, WIFE, ARTIST, BIKER, FRIEND, SISTER, DAUGHTER are all new to me. It's like stocking all the ingredients on the counter before baking a cake. When I'm ready they'll all go into the bowl and get mixed together to form one awesome (label-less) creation.
ME!
Cool huh?
How's that for "Occupation" Uncle Sam?
Now send me my money....
Now send me my money....
Oh a woman... were are one powerful force to be messed with are we... I so enjoy your travels and you thought process, I only wish I would be able to make the connections as you do... You skills build upon each other... I gets me thinking..when I was in 3rd grade, my mom was the bus driver for our school...so day in day out she would drive the kids... well I could ride with her or not.. so I decided not to and stay with my 3rd grade teacher Mrs. Paulsen.. she let me do the bullentin boards for her... who would have guess that I would still be working with paper... Along the way I can make and pickup my own connections of things and understand that I was meant to be a woman that love the papers... so I seeked to learn how to make papers from plants...so natural and right up my alley... I guess from reading where you are and what you are going through I'm understand better... I was given this life...and long the way change happens..and boy does it ever and with that change I can't help but change too. So as some say life is about putting knotches on my belt or adding up the lovly express we're freely able to explore so when we cross over to the age of winter we have what your mother has to share with us Elena.. and Love the picture you post.. Could it be that where you are now learning about the mature woman you are to become is what your to do and along the way you are helping so may others... could that be the purpose now... Kind of like when you watch the show Julie and Julia...well you understand I hope what i mean..
ReplyDeletethank you for being you and share opening as you walk a good path of self discovery.. peace babe
your'e too funny....this was great and so amazingly true !
ReplyDeleteI do the same thing often...trying to label myself on a daily basis and years ago I decided that some days, no matter what, the only thing I was or could handle being all day was a bitch...take it or leave it....but when the shoe fits, you learn to wear it well :)
I have a really big mixing bowl if you want to borrow it :)
i love the way you write....you always express yourself so beautifully! i like the idea of carrying a business card with just the word "ME".....it's perfect!! :))
ReplyDeleteOk, Ms. Domestic Engineer, how about a business card that says, "Art by Elena."
ReplyDeleteforward
ReplyDeleteIn the days when I allowed myself to be "pigeon-holed_ .... I would still just fill in the blanks with the word or words that would make me the most money...because in those days... money was the most important thing to me. Now...I just write in whatever gives me a laugh at the moment .. or a rise out of the pompous ass sitting on the other side of a desk...
ReplyDeleteinstead of homemaker...you could just write" Arts"..... it'll kind of express the "you" of the moment...and give you lots of leeway if you have to describe further... and if you don't have to explain... at least you appear a bit more mysterious to the other side of the desk.....