Just Monday Musings...

"I don't know if you're the right Elena but...."

So, I finally started using Facebook more often. I held out really long accepting a certain friend because it was the one person I knew was safely blocking the way. You know the one who will come with a bunch of other friends who will want to be on your list of friends. And alot of these I didn't want to reconnect with; people who I thought were phony before I knew better than to be choosy.

But since I'm on this new quest to life I decided to do the opposite of what my head said and I accepted the friend invitation. Funny thing is that it opened up a whole network of reconnections to people I had forgotten about. People I apparently liked at some early point in my journey.

And since my profile photo is of my bike, almost every invitation starts with "I don't know if you're the right Elena...." and leads into the "did you always like motorcycles". And I have reconnected with grade school chums and people from the neighborhood. And one person said it sounds like I'm really enjoying life. But through the questions and the pictures I start to wonder if I really am the right Elena. I don't remember half the people or things they're talking about. I remember them by sight but I don't remember the things they say we used to talk about or do.

And I worry. Am I losing my mind already? Did I drink too much when I turned 21 and does booze really kill brain cells? Did the fertility drugs kill the rest of my memory cells? Was I just too busy worrying about everything in the future to live completely in the present and perhaps didn't retain anything? Or do I really need to start doing those memory-boosting exercises.

And I find it amusing when they say it's as if they never knew me...didn't know I liked motos or art or anything. I want to say yeah me too. This is actually a new life for me. One I just started living a few years ago. So I may not be the Elena they remember, I'm not quiet anymore. I'm a new Elena. And I'll probably keep changing. And I love motorcycles and I enjoy life and live in the present now. So chances are good I'll remember them again.

But just in case....I think I'll start carrying my name & phone number in case I forget and someone has to bring me home.