Mystic Monday - Mid Life Crisis

So I was thinking....because of course in my world I can't accept anything as 'black & white'. Everything has to have meanings, or swirls or colors or peaks and valleys, or, or, or....

What if there's more to this so called mid-life crisis than the stereotypical "man buys red sports car and finds young wife".What if it's the moment in time when the 'cosmos' tap us on the shoulder, clears its throat, and says "Ahem...wake up...aren't you forgetting something..."

And I remember that there was a time when I was in college where I felt invincible. I had no doubts, the world seemed to be waiting with open arms...and then I fell into the rut. I became a mindless drone filled with worry, self-recrimination, anger and fears.  It was apparent in the way I dressed, in the way I sat, in the way I held my head. My world was gray and I grudgingly followed the same routine day after day. But I would always feel little stirrings; like something wasn't quite right.

And it often happened when I sat in conference rooms with others listening to the complaints and fears before the meetings started. Times when I wondered why they didn't just make the necessary changes if they were so unhappy. Or why they didn't voice their opinions and instead fell silent when 'authority' stepped in and shook their heads in agreement like bobble-heads. And I started speaking up for the others. Voicing their opinions as if they were my own when I caught the fear in their wide eyes. I didn't care what 'authority' thought of me and couldn't understand why the others were so afraid. And the stirrings would become stronger and I would eventually move on to other opportunities. And I would get calls and emails from these others saying "you're our hero", "you showed them", "you're so brave", "I wish I could....". And all I ever thought was I'm not any different than you.

But I kept repeating this little routine over the years. Starting out with high expectations, soon falling into the rut, watching the same wide-eyes and eventually getting disgusted and moving on just to hear the same "Oh you're so BRAVE". Baloney. I'm not brave. And I would have stupidly followed the same routine if I didn't get that little tap on the shoulder. The one that said I was just traveling a wider rut that surrounded the smaller rut.

So the belief is that mid-life crisis is triggered by events such as birthdays, loss of a parent, job, empty-nests, menopause, etc etc. And if I were to believe that, then I can easily track the start of my change to the death of my dad. I wasn't close to him but with his death he gave me the most important gift. As I held him and he died, I felt the energy leave his body and I felt recharged. I sensed things differently. And I knew there was more and that it was time I stepped out of the rut.

By the way, I don't believe in mid-life crisis. I just opened my eyes and decided to step back into the life I was meant to live. And I'm excited to have joined those others that have done the same before me. People like Angela and Ian. Remember when someone asks what we're doing with ourselves now our answer is "whatever I want" or "I'm living my life".

We may fall into ruts again, we are only human. But the cool thing about it is that we now know that we can step out of the rut at any time. Because we're brave....or just living life on our terms now.

 ~ ~ ~ ~

Mid-Life Crisis Dictionary Meaning
- a period of emotional turmoil in middle age characterized especially by a strong desire for change
Mid Life Crisis Real Meaning
- a reconnection to your true path in life; a reawakening