I usually don't tell anyone that I like to draw or paint. I suppose it's the fear that they'll ask me to create something in front of them and they'll discover I'm a phony. It's probably why my better creations happen when I'm alone - once in a blue moon. But I took a brave step and started posting some of my in progress work on line last year. Then hubby encouraged me to hang some of the drawings in the dining room. I figured it was safe, since nobody but family would see them.
Now that the women's group has been over for meetings there are others seeing my drawings. And that has opened up an uncomfortable situation. I can handle the compliments with a quick 'thank you' and change of subject before I squirm too much. But then come the requests: 'can you design the fest buttons', 'can you design the tshirt', 'I hear you're creative can you help with ideas for my daughter's party', 'can you stencil my arbor', 'I need some decorating in my home...". Well, what the hell do I look like? Hee,hee, sorry I think that's what I came home and said after one such request.
Because I don't mind the buttons and maybe even the tshirt, I don't do parties or decorator stuff, but I have learned that everyone has ideas. And my ideas don't like their ideas. And I have to be very very careful. My creative spark is just that. A very delicate tiny spark that risks being snuffed out by working on something I hate. If I ever decide to pursue artistic creations I can tell now that I am going to be very finicky and doing only things that I like to do. Good thing I'm not relying on this as an income source. And I wonder if this is why I self sabotage just when I'm starting to enjoy creating. I don't want to attract unwanted attention.
And it reminds me of work. When I graduated from school with an interior design degree. And I was more of a space planner designing classrooms, offices, and labs. And I would cringe when friends would ask if I would help them 'decorate' their home. I'm not a decorator. There's a difference. And I cringed when we had a barbecue last year and I heard someone say they liked my home and someone else responded that I was a decorator and had gone to school for it. Arggghhh! No. I am not a decorator. I just surround myself with things that make me happy. Most of them cheap. But I don't care. And I totally sound like a snob! Haahaa!! But it got to the point that I denied having a design degree and just focused on the project management. I found there are less requests to help project manage something in the home.
Whew....so many emotions this week. From pouty to snobby in a couple days....
Monday, June 21, 2010
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I can understand not wanting to decorate someone elses house. I am very creative and love to sell my dolls etc but I make what I like and what makes me happy and if others like them great I make a bit extra cash to buy more fabrics ;) if not...well I like them so that's all that matters and I'm stil going to make more. I love decorating my own home cause it's mine and I have the connection to it..doing it for someone else becomes a job! It's not snobby or selfish :D
ReplyDeleteI understand what you mean. My comfort zone is painting realistic animals and flowers but, sometimes, I've been asked to paint people portraits or landscapes etc. which are just not my thing and way outside of my comfort zone. Like you, painting is an enjoyable experience for me and, if I were to paint things I really didn't want to do, then it would become a chore and spoil the whole experience for me. As for decorating, I buy budget cheap and slap on some paint for a change. lol
ReplyDeleteThis can be turned around for the good as I look at it you know what You don't like and what you like and people are going to say what they say but we have to be stronger then that..(I'm listening to these words now that I'm writing them) I don't like to do commission piece in collage, though I've done them but it limits me to choices...I don't like that when I create espeically with mixed media and collage...if I feel like cutting a hole I should be able to do that but with commission pieces I have limits and I don't like that...or I get can do you that in pink...and I come right out with no...I don't create like that, I make one and that's it... most of the time they walk away..I don't want to be dragged down or tied down to limits there's enough of them all around me so why when I don't have to would I want to put myself there...??? not all people are like this there are artist that can capture the likeness of a person but that' all and their good at that..so be it for them.. I like to say in response to those wonderful quesitons..Hmmm I don't usually work that way or My schedule is really full right now and I've got ideas and projects of my own that need to come to the table first. rambling but good topic to share there lady...
ReplyDeleteHi Elena..I love reading your post..and have been wanting to comment on the last few as well..but it turns into a book ha ha! By the way..you are not a mediocre artist..impossible..so wipe that out of your memory banks please! There truly is no such thing! All art has value, beauty,meaning and purpose..we all create uniquely.
ReplyDeleteI think that is fabulous you hang your art out in your home..yay!Me too..celebrate life and the beauty you create..honor it!
and yes i know what you mean..often times in my life (i could always draw but only in the recent years I began paintng for thie first time ever)everyone would volunteer me or assume just because i can draw..I will do this or that for you..! But I am not afraid to say no. they always look shocked ha ha! I love that!
With my paintings..you will have those who appreciate and celebrate artistry in one another.I celebrate that!!
and then there are those who say..Oh kiki paints she'll do that for you..Um no thanks! ha ha! My response..I paint just for me! and it is true..my art journey is my path...and how ever i choose to share or not share and how and with whom..sell or not sell..lend my creative energy to ones situation or not.."my say-so!"
I think sometimes people assume that just because you can design,paint or draw , sing.dance..bake a cake..ha ha...or whatever..that you will want to lend energy to "their projects"..I simply say : that all my energy is going to support my own projects right now..but thanks anyways!
And dont be afraid to enlighten poeple..between the distincton of what you do or dont do. Go for it!!
well sorry to babble. You rock..dont forget it!
HUgs
And keep creating..dont let anything or anyone ever stop the creative pulse of your beautiful spirit and how it wishes to express through you,,fight through the dark wobbly spots..and let the light through...I have been there..!!....create create create...honor that spark in you..love it unconditionally..nurture it..give it a big voice and let it live in full color..!!you can handle a big bike right? so I know you can do this too!((hugs))
Kiki~a kindred friend
I have been learning that creating on demand is MOST definitely not my type of creating !!! I have a friend who loves my stuff so much. But every time she see it, she says "I want you to make something for me." Arrghhhh - she just doesn't realize that what she likes about my pieces is that I have created them for no one but myself and that when you put the "pressure" on me to create something "for you", the joy I get from creating tends to leave me and I instead feel the need to please, be perfect, have people like me, etc...which basically sucks !
ReplyDeleteYou like my art ? Tell me which piece you like and I will make you a good copy of it. Or maybe, if I really like you, I will part with the original and give it to you, as long as you promise I can visit my baby once in awhile.
I am figuring out this artist thing as I go, but one thing I know is that I need to be in charge of what kind of art I am doing. I am the Artist, after all.
It's an emotional time, I think. Let's just be good and gentle with ourselves as we go through it...at least we are all in it together. Big Love, Artsy One. ;)
This sounds so familiar to me, too. I keep a lot of my lights under a bushel so no one will ask me to do something for them. Someone recently found out that I paint, so they asked me if I'd paint a picture of their house - and that's NOT something I'd want to do. So, while I'm not in the same league as Laura, I've also started saying that I don't do commissions.
ReplyDeleteAt least they didn't want me to actually paint their house - not just a picture of it!
:0)
Love and hugs,
xoxoxo
Angela
Oh, that sounds so familiar. I used to be a really good piano player, but all that practicing that I had to do growing up has taken the joy out of it for me. Yet, I keep being asked by various friends to teach piano to their children - again, this week. I DON'T WANT TO!! I may play a little for myself, but I know I wouldn't like having to teach it!
ReplyDeleteWith my art, it's not been that way yet, which is nice. I do it just for me and for the occasional commission, which I enjoy as a nice challenge. It's tricky! Creativity on demand takes out the creative part!
Thanks for your comment, Elena, on my blog. I've always suspected that we are very much similar in many ways!!
Love, Silke
I so relate to this post Elena. Our creative spark needs to be coddled and gently soothed and pampered, otherwise it goes back into it's turtle shell. At art fairs people will ask me can you paint a skunk or something else I've never done. In the beginning I hemmed and hawed, now I'm at least going to try to paint some requests. Yet, my daily moods dictate my creative self and I wonder if I can do it "precisely as they want". Yep, sounds more like a commercial illustration kind of job. Yet, It pushes and challenges me, gets me out of my comfort zone.Still, it's got to have playful connotations, otherwise I'm sunk.
ReplyDeleteI have a problem when people label me too. I think I'm a little bit of everything and to peg me as one thing drives me crazy.
P.S. I love your moods. You're never boring and predictable!
Phew. That's a lot of stories here. I do take commissions, I don't enjoy them, but each one in itself is a learning experience. I need the money that doesn't always come unless your good at marketing yourself. Giving yourself a label. I like challenges though.
ReplyDeleteAmen to that, sister!! (but you left out the part when they say that they "really want to pay you for your time"......and then you find out that their idea of what your time is worth is about twenty dollars.....just shoot me now!). :)))
ReplyDelete