And after posting my review for the week I wondered if this was symbolic of my current phase in life. I'm 42 so I should have a solid foundation with little badges to mark my struggles and growth. But it occurred to me that if anything should represent my current state it would have to be a lava rock. Not quite solid and full of holes marking the moments where I feel as if I'm suspended. And I can't help but wish I were more focused instead of questioning everything. And it's with amusement that I remember earning the nickname "Airhead" with two childhood friends because of my endless questions about nothing and everything.But like it or not that's me. My gut tells me there's more than meets the eye. And I question and question and need to know more. It's such a nuisance I tell ya! And I'm going through one of those suspended state moments right now...feeling a bit out of sorts. I'm missing adult conversation since I spend all day with my son and see hubby a few hours during the evening. But other than my sister and mom over the weekend, I haven't talked to anyone else. And I caught myself making a very strange comment that left me feeling uneasy. I told hubby I would sell my motorcycle to get a pool. What?! Where did that come from? I must have been really hot or something. And yet, I find that I haven't been riding. And this really really bothers me. It is all I have left to remind me of my once independent life. And I suppose there is more there than meets the eye because when I think of it I get really choked up.
I hate to admit it but I'm feeling confined.
Like a caged bird.
And I want to run or fly or, or, or...
...I want to be free.
Ahhhh, now you know why I was nicknamed "Airhead".
I am just such a restless soul....
Hi
ReplyDeleteI was checking in after you stopped by my blog...thanks BTW; which by the way you need to check out tomorrows post and you can cross another thing off your list!
Have an artsy day!
I'm selling my bike too.... the traffic around here is horrendous and the drivers are insane. And... my eyes are getting a bit worse now too.... I've got a colony of floaters and cataracts beginning. I'm going to use the money to pay for my season of golf....
ReplyDeleteDon't sell your bike......you're just going through a transition, and I remember reading on here not too long ago you were out riding,
ReplyDeleteBig decisions (such as this) made in haste always come back to haunt us....ask me how I know.....things I sold on a whim in search of something else, and then spent a good deal of time regretting.
I am down to only ONE item I regret, and that one will stay. It was a quilt my grandmother made my parents, and WHY I sold it....go figure. Maybe it was memories. They had passed and when I saw it, I thought of them.
Hey, pools can be financed.....
XXOO!!
Anne
Hmmm...while I was pondering my comment, I looked over and saw your list of things to do by your bd in August. You are the same person who wrote that amazing list. Maybe if you remember that, some of the answers to the restlessness will come. I feel that restlessness too - so many people I know do ! All I know for sure is that we have THIS day to live. Let's see if we can't make this the one where something else gets check off our lists !
ReplyDeleteKeep on rolling, Seeker Girl !
Hi Elena..always love reading your blog..hang in there..just when we feel restless...there is a turning point beginning to take form. After restlessness we find peace! Perhaps the symbolic transformation of bike to pool
ReplyDelete(earth/land/ to water/fluidity/emotions) is a new transition you are creating for yourself ..a new symbolic gift you cannot quite see just yet. Maybe you have arrived in yourself in some symbolic way( no longer journeying on the road)..the creative and healing pools are for you to relax and become and enjoy you..a new era..new terrain..land to water!
Perhaps you want to give birth to something new..and your spirit can only show you his new vision by keeping you 'still"...and bathing in the creative waters of magic..and a new level of freedom you need!
Enjoy your journey..whatever it may be!
KIki
Thanks all! You do my heart good. I found the interpretations here interesting since I dreamt about the box (previous post) again last night. This time I found an old fashioned wrought iron key. And a deer came up to me to lick my ankle (hee hee). The previous night I forgot that the box contained a feather. Hmmmm...maybe I need sugar. Thanks again all XOXOXOXO
ReplyDeleteairhead....nope, not one bit !
ReplyDeletegrowing.....OH YES.....growing !
and as far as being unfocused and having a need to fly.....i'm standing in the same line with you wondering where we're off to :)
and the motorcycle blahs....kind of where i was when art took a back seat to my photography....and even though i didn't have to make a choice, i had to make a choice. know what i mean ? and well, you know how that all turned out.
xo
Take a deep breath and count to 10, continue until you feel better.:))) If that don't work, take a deep breath, hold it, hold it, and count to 100 and if you are still breathing by 99, hey you are fine, my dear, just fine. Tee Hee.
ReplyDeleteJust having fun, look at it this way Elena, this too shall pass. Take care.
Gloria is on the right track here. When you stop seeking, you'll be there. An end. Keep right on seeking and growing.
ReplyDeleteOh Elena, sweet girl....I went through exactly the same things when I was 40 and that's when I quit my 'day job'. For me, art was my saving grace, I started by working through The Artist's Way book & did every single exercise. Then did Vein of Gold, which really helped me uncover lots of truths. I know you will find your path, I have complete faith in you, darlin'. xoxo
ReplyDelete