I had a chance to visit an art fair today and look at all the beautiful art creations. I like to talk to the artists and look at the world through their eyes captured in their work. And I envy the discipline, the blind trust that this is their path, the courage to move forward in a world that judges and rarely rewards.
I told a pastel artist that he was quite talented and with a touch of sadness he responded that he was still a work in progress. "Turn around and look at your work!" I said. "Look at what you've captured with pastels and you tell me you are 'in progress'?" And I wanted to say that his 'in progress' achievements would be my "pot of gold at the end of the rainbow". All I can expect is a mediocre existence. I'm a dreamer and that's where I'll stay in this lifetime.
And that is where my unrest, my discontent, lies. On one hand is the realization that I am mediocre and on the other is the rebellious fight against that very realization. Except for the artists, that creative bunch, most everyone I know is content with mediocrity. There is no questioning, no unrest, no judging themselves 'in progress'. And I want to shake them and scream "wake up" and then realize they are happy. So perhaps I'm the one that needs to "wake up". I've been straddling the fence for too long. Hubby said I'm still thinking with my 'corporate brain' and it's making it difficult for 'creative brain' to find its way.
I think I'd better come to terms with things fast. Stop questioning Elena. Just be. Mediocrity can't be that bad if most of society does it well. But - I - just - want - to - be...better, different, great, talented, special
Ok, me and my pouty-tantrumy-self are going to hide in bed now (stomp,stomp,stomp)
Saturday, June 19, 2010
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I read some place or heard some where this saying....
ReplyDelete"Don't be pushed by your problems, be led by your dreams."
I love that. I try to remember it when I'm feeling a little blue or unsure. Hope that helps a little. Have a great Sunday.
you wouldn't have happened to be in Milwaukee, WI today, would you? if so, we were sharing the same talent absorbing air! what a magnificent day filled with amazing art!
ReplyDeleteI like Gloria's quote, I'll have to remember that one. I consider myself a mediocre artist at best. But one will never get better than mediocre if one doesn't work at it.
ReplyDeletefunny, when i tripped across your blog so long ago, never in my wildest dreams would i have thought of the word "mediocre". I envy your goals (see list to the side) to broaden your horizons and seek out what others just pass by without a second thought. Coming from the corporate world myself, I would partially agree that it does take time and will to get over that mentality. I would say you have already stepped outside the bounds of mediocrity (if you ever actually were there to begin with) by the simple act of questioning the norm. When i get... scared.. of the unknown (am i good enough, will i be able to pay the bills this month, etc) i just think of my life back inside that cubicle. that bland box of lemmings and soccer moms- following the rules. and i tell myself.. well kiddo- you were brave enough to get out. that is already more than most accomplish in a lifetime. There really are no rules out here.
ReplyDeleteYou already are "better, different, great, talented AND special." go back and reread a few of your blog posts as if you were a visitor that never met you before. I hope you see what I, what we, see. then take a deep breath, and start to believe. you have a good heart and a great spirit. there is no room for mediocre in your existance.
and this is from someone who doesn't know you- but for your writings and insight and your desire to learn Tai-chi, sleep under the stars, and find herself.
and for Goddess' sake.. stop pouting!! you'll get wrinkles in your forehead! :o)
You already are better, different, great, talented and special :)
ReplyDeleteThis is my exact struggle right now too ! Hey, I have a sweet life! I make art everyday, I don't have to work outside of the home (though it would help us to have $$ for extras), I sell my creations here and there, I am an awesome friend, a truly loved person with a beautiful circle of friends and family, and I have even touched hundreds of people with my rocks, little bits of my loving heart put out there to spread it around...and yet, it doesn't feel like ENOUGH ?????
ReplyDeleteIs it just an attitude shift I need ? Even as I write this I am thinking, hey kid, you are living a good life ! What the F*** are you worrying and complaining about ? And that other voice is saying "But, but, but...I think there may be more for me..."
No answers here, Elena, only some real understanding of your life questions. But all this questioning is making me want to go make some art, and see if some answers lie there...even if it is only mediocre. ;)
Enjoy this precious day, Beautiful Thinker Lady !
TURN OFF THE CORPORATE BRAIN.
ReplyDeleteOr I'm coming with my scythe....LOL!!!
I am content where I am due to so many bad things happening in my life to make me open my eyes. I am happy, but that does not mean static. I constantly want to learn, push forward, etc---but my view of it is it is all an enrichment program. It's the icing on a wonderful cake of life.
Some of it coms with age too.....50 was a wake up call--one of many--and it has brought the ability to say yes to certain things and no to others.
You sort of grow into your own skin.
And mediocrity s the people who don't think or grow.
I still consoder myself a work in progress. And it is okay!
XXOO!!
Anne
You are not mediocre, my friend. Those are just brain words to keep you stuck. Listen to you heart!!! Do you know how much it means to us sharing our work to have your support? You made my day coming out to the fair. Sometimes I feel that when we as artists get together there can be a bit of comparison looming in the air. I like that the pastel artist was so honest with his feelings.
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the day, the heat and packing away of everything really got to me. I was beat. So today I woke up and said Hm, I don't know if I want to do another art fair. It's such hard work, but my husband said but you love being an artist and that is true - that is what ultimately sustains me.
Everyone in life is a mirror for us. You have wise words to cheer others on, but I think you're getting really close to going from a dreamer to a participant (in an art fair?).
Love and hugs,
Bev
Dear Elena,
ReplyDeleteSometimes I see other artist work and think mine is not so special. What you've done and shown here is very talented. There can be a hundred bad sketches before a good one. Really. Have you looked at some of the Master's early creations? There only being shown postpartum.
Postmortem.
ReplyDelete