Before I let myself go any further with this self-imposed negativity I decided to take the dog out. Watching the snow fall I decided to pick up the shovel and soon discovered the meditative qualities of shoveling snow. Figures I’d discover this at the end of the Winter season. It was so quiet that I could hear the snow hitting my hat. And looking back towards the house I felt such an immense feeling of gratitude. Gratitude for the snow, the crispness, the night, the house, the trees…just the total beauty of nature. I was present. I was alive. Now.
And then I heard a coyote howl. He was rather close and I looked at Jazz who looked back as if to say she had no plans to join her wild brethren since her blankie was warm in the house. I’m a city kid. And I don’t take these sounds for granted. There are things that stir my soul; something primitive and ancient that I don’t understand. Howling wolves, coyotes, starlit skies, campfires, horses, eagles, the ocean, moonlight…these are among the things that make my heart skip a beat and long for something forgotten.
And I thought of something my friend shared about “circle thinking”. The concept that our lives are as cyclical as the seasons. ~"Even the seasons form a great circle in their changing, and always come back again to where they were. The life of a man is a circle from childhood to childhood and so it is in everything where power moves." Black Elk ~ And nature reminded me of this as if telling me that illness, death, rebirth…are all part of the life cycle. And that I shouldn’t chastise myself so much for feeling like I’m stuck in a rut because ‘my season’ will change just like winter will eventually give way to spring. I just have to remember that I, too, am Nature. And that is what I had forgotten..and my soul recognized in the howl of the coyote.
So beautifully put my dear~
ReplyDeletegreat way to work through those feelings and emotions and come back to gratitude.
what a beautiful post and those feelings....well, I'm the same way. my mom makes a point of letting me know of all the death and dying and like you said, it's been after a certain age that this seems to part of our normal conversations....
ReplyDeleteand the shoveling....ME TOO. if you remember, my hubby has been working out of state and lots has been put on my shoulders and shoveling became one of my jobs this winter.... he cringes when I tell him how many hours I've been out there, but just like you said, it's been a blessing to be out there.... breathing and loving and learning and seeing.....
After loosing my son almost 11 years ago, I realize now that we all have our time here, short or long. I do my best to be as positive as I can be, otherwise I get too down.
ReplyDeleteAll my best to you Elena
hi elena!! what a beautiful post! you have a wonderful writing style....and i think you're the first one i know who has found gratitude while shoveling snow!! now that's a great positive attitude that i can truly appreciate!! thanks so much for stopping by my blog and saying hello....i'm very glad to meet you! :)))
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