False Perceptions - Not Allowed

I've come to the conclusion that false perceptions can be dangerous. They lead to hatreds or at a minimum have the power to keep you confined to your current situation. And if left intact, they either grow and fester or become such a part of your thoughts you don't know any other way to think. For instance, I grew up thinking that "white people" weren't good. A "white" teen killed my brother in a racially motivated shooting. So my head figured "they" were all bad and hated all of "us".

My other false perception was that anyone who was better off than "us" weren't good because they considered us trash. That started from listening to the other kids talk. So thankfully in college I walked into a situation where I was in an "all white well-to-do" roomful of classmates. I cringed. And I graduated without these perceptions and a bonding with my fellow classmates. Granted it caused some fights with the kids back in the neighborhood who said I sold out but I'd like to think the Great Spirit and my brother decided to put a stop to the unhealthy thinking.

And I recently thought about this when I went back to the old neighborhood and heard a friend describe me to her boyfriend. "This is Elena, the biker who married the white boy" To which I responded, he's white? I thought he was more like shades of beige, tan with hints of rose madder and brown. Smirk.

And this week I had a chance to confront another false perception. The one about "I'm not meant to have physical friends". And just as I was trying to find ways to be comfortable with this perception, the heavens sent some little things that made me smile (and feel all warm and giddy...yeah yeah I'm pathetic).

• I have a tentative outing to the Art Institute w/ a blogger friend who reached out to me
• I have an art workshop outing and girls weekend planned w/ a blogger friend
• I have a lunch date w/ a woman from the town's club today

And with each invitation I struggled with the urge to say "no no that's okay" and then it ocurred to me that I need to Trust that this situation is presenting itself to contribute to my growth.

How's that for a new thought process?

And to Beth and Lisa

Thank you

(I apologize if any of this sounded racist - I'm not. But can see I was in danger of heading that way)