Bad Side of Elena

I've alluded to some sticky situations when I was growing up

During the hours reserved for things that go bump in the night

Well, it wasn't quite invisible spirits causing havoc

More like someone 'consuming-too-many-spirits-in-a-bottle' like tequila

So those wee hours saw quite a bit of flying dishes, glasses, furniture

I swore never to cause that type of damage

As a result of anger or hatred

During marriage #1, in a fit of rage

I threw something across the room

that ended up crashing into a display of delicate crystal gifts I had received

A thousand pieces reminded me of the promise I'd made to myself

I kept many of those broken pieces on top of the tv

To remind me of my shameful behavior

I never did throw anything in anger again

Not saying I haven't been tempted

but the problem is that when I become that angry

I struggle with a way to vent the anger

that threatens to boil over

and I find that keeping it inside causes some physical issues

I'm having a problem with the owner of the condo beneath mine

Due to some structural problems and occasional leaks during rainstorms

So I received a very nasty email that immediately made me furious

It's not like I chose to be angry

But I have a little problem with being verbally, or physically, attacked

I attack back

And as I reached for the phone I thought twice

Instead choosing to send an email that took many redrafts

To make sure it didn't say what I was thinking

I figured if we go to court and I need to read my email out loud

I want to make sure I seem like the bigger person

All the while I kept thinking

Thank God I'm not anywhere near him

And changing that to dammit, Elena, you're supposed to be more spiritual now

You're better than this

Reminding myself I'm only human

And that *#@*$!%# like this thrive on intimidation

or whining

to get their way

And I'm tired of it

I figured God would forgive me

but I'm not standing by letting idiots take advantage of others anymore

And I'll start with myself

I told him to grow up and back off

I told him I'm sending a building inspector and not taking bandaid approaches

or giving in to his demands

and then sent the big dogs after him

Ok ok not really 'the dogs'
Just the BIG dog

I had hubby call him

But I was still bothered that I let him make me so angry

I felt like those thermometers you put into a turkey to see if it's done

I wasn't sure what to do

So I meditated

Felt better

I'm only human

But there go my dreams of being a wise spiritual woman

living in the southwest with long braids

wearing long skirt and cowboy boots

sitting on the porch under the stars

and sharing my wisdom

Blimey

Maybe I can be an advocate for the underdog!

Yeah!