You can't ride....

Almost seven years ago I met my friend Lee during the motorcycle class. I found her so intriguing; the stay at home mom who wrote children's books. The tiny little lady who would start every question with "I'm sorry..." and would pull a tupperware dish with carrots out of the saddlebag. The woman who was overflowing with enthusiasm and happiness and energy.

 

There's something empowering about doing something you've always dreamed of doing. For us it was taking that class even if our families were furious. Hubby #1 stood in front of the door the day before my riding test and forbid me to ride. He threatened a divorce. As fate would have it, Lee and I started our divorce proceedings at the same time after that class. For a while I felt the guilt of thinking I chose the motorcycle over the hubby. But in time I came to realize it was more than that and the motorcycle just gave me the courage to proceed.

 

I always considered myself a whimp. My Mama always said I was the sickly one. My family considered me emotional jello. 'Don't tell Elena (blank) because she's too sensitive to handle it'. So I believed it. I felt strong at work but somehow different at home. When I accomplished something I chalked it up to luck or gave someone else credit. I don't know how I ended up at that motorcycle class but everything changed as a result. Try as I might, I couldn't give anyone else credit for my riding. I was the one riding. I was the one who managed to balance on two wheels and still come out alive. After every single ride, even today, I dismount with a smile and amazed that I did it.

 

It's all about what you tell yourself. Your speech and thoughts almost become a blueprint for what follows. I'm not emotional jello. And I sure as hell am not a whimp. It took almost three years before my Mama accepted my motorcycle riding. After having yelled at me for the upteenth time she said 'you've always been sickly, you're going to get sick, do you want to leave your son motherless'... I had to explain that I wasn't sickly. They had decided I was and I believed it so I lived up to that belief.

 

Nowadays when I fall back upon the old belief system of 'you're too wimpy' I remember riding. I pulled myself out of some bad situations on that motorcycle. And it reminds me of what I'm physically capable of once I step out of my own way. Lee? She became a senior estimator with Turner Construction, has three bikes, bought a place in NY and travels the world renting bikes and riding.

 

We're capable of so much.

We just have to believe it.

No matter what anyone else tells us.