Brain on Strike

I'm catching on to how I operate

I create and feel like I'm on top of the world

Ideas start popping in that say things like

'you could use your creations for this or that'

'try out for this or that'

And I cringe chastising myself for thinking on such a grand scale

Reeling in the 'dreamer brain'

I lock the shackles around my ankle and hesitantly return to creating

A bit gun-shy from having been slapped down my head funnels back to the present

'try mixing this paint with that'

'try adding this to it'

And then something happens that I stop creating altogether
(self sabotage)

And start focusing on the practical things like being a mom, bills, housework, jobs

Tired of being ignored

my brain switches from 'dreamer' to 'worrier'

And starts formulating ways to fix the world
Or adding more things to the 'todo' list (todo means all)
Guilt of not doing anything mixing with desire to create

Until it reaches a crescendo and the switch seems broken and toggles back and forth between dreamer, creator, worrier and the thoughts spin out of control like a whirlwind of debris until...

it fizzles

and I sit there in silence

without a thought in my head

no energy, no desire

And I feel a great sense of loss

Giving into this sense of pity, I sat there

I went to the mailbox

and found some beautiful gifts

that immediately raised my spirits
two people whose creations prove

the importance of following your dreams

without dreams...my spirit withers and dies

(I'll post pics of my treasures tomorrow)

my brain is on strike right now
(self sabotage to the max)