Gratitude: I woke up feeling gratitude. Lying in bed I mentally thanked God for giving me another day, my family, home, warmth, food, comfort, my support system. Thankful...so very thankful.
Jealousy: I ventured out for holiday shopping. An ugly feeling of jealousy and inferiority snuck in. I wished I could buy the types of presents my family deserves. I found myself comparing what was in my cart to what was in others. I thought of my mom opening the camera my sister gave her vs my handmade earrings. And I desperately tried to reach for a sense of balance. To recapture gratitude for what I had compared to what others didn't. So I hightailed it back to my home away from humanity. And breathed. I found my balance. And kicked the ugly feelings away.
Anger: Listening to hubby after a rough day at work brought all the old anger back. Having worked in the same dept. I know the players and I know their game. He's finally seeing them for their true colors. I tease that he comes from the 'old school' way of doing work. The days of honor, pride, loyalty. It's not like that anymore. He gets angry, disgusted. I tell him it's like that everywhere nowadays. It's all about ME. And men are the worst. It's what's wrong with the world. It's sad.
Hope: And I reminded him that although there's so much ugliness everywhere, I discovered another side. There are people in blog land, in the art classes, at the spiritual center that are different. They're like an underground group of people, the pioneers, who are trying to raise the world's vibrational level. Who think of others instead of themselves. It gives me hope in humanity.
Sadness, happiness, fear, etc etc. They all came crashing in today. And I rode those waves of emotion like a professional surfer. I teetered and fell but jumped back on. Like Bev says, I got back in the saddle. So my last feeling was one of pride. I am definitely growing. I didn't wallow, I found my balance.
If all else fails, I'll turn to the wise cowboy...
"Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway" John Wayne
Wow a record emotional roller coaster! No full moon or anything? Maybe a little cabin fever from the foul weather?
ReplyDeleteOh Elena,
ReplyDeleteI go through doubt big time when I'm out shopping for gift this time of year... and I hate that in me when I do that... will be venture out today so it's good to read you blog this morning to know I'm not off the edge... As for the work situation and what you shared about the hubby and and all... we in this homestead feel like the old school of things and we instill that in our children.. good old fashion work ethic.. hard to do but gives the kids such esteem and knowledge of being good people and holding good values. We are of a rare breed of two leggeds that are true to our hearts that's all.. and your right we have to weed through all there bull they feed us and find our tribes and hang on to that and make it... Ok I'll quit rambling here.. but relating right with you lady!!
oh elena...
ReplyDeletethis time of year is just filled with a mushy and slightly ugly substance of feelings and I often find myself just praying for the month to be over....
so good for you for seeing past the ugly and being appreciative for what you have....and who you are....and what you can do to make others feel special.....
What a great post! Sounds like a difficult day, but so well thought through... It showed me how I never take the time to 'sort' through my emotions like that. And I should. It makes sense... (unlike my comment). I think I'm having an "aha moment. Thank you. And thank you for visiting my blog :-)
ReplyDeleteoh my goodness! I know those emotions so well. But the wow part is the way you've described them - you're a beautiful writer.
ReplyDelete: ) lulu